Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Today, I received some interesting news in the mail.  It seems that Caesars Palace would like to offer me FREE accommodations for 2 nights in November, 2 nights in December and 2 nights in January.  No, I'm not a high roller.  And I've only been to Las Vegas once in the past 6 years.  But this post isn't about how or why the fine folks at Caesars Palace have chosen me to receive their offer.  It's about what happened when I stopped to consider their offer.

Step 1 -- Offer is received.  Free hotel room in Las Vegas sounds pretty good.

Step 2 -- I stop and think about whether I'd want to go to Vegas in November, and/or December and/or January.  Decide that December or January might be fun.

Step 3 -- Do a quick budget for the trip in my head.

Step 4 -- Consider Jeanne.  Things start to get tricky.  She isn't in shape to go to Las Vegas, and even if she went, Jeanne couldn't really do more than hang out in the hotel room -- which gets pretty claustrophobic if you can't leave for a while.

Step 5 -- Consider going without Jeanne.  First, the logistics -- who will care for Jeanne if I go to Las Vegas for 2 nights...and how much will it cost?  Jeanne's regular caregiver could handle her regular daytime shift.  I'd have to bring in another caregiver to cover the nights.  This would cost several hundred dollars.  Second, the guilt -- can I really go off to Vegas and have fun knowing that Jeanne is at home not having fun?

Step 6 -- The offer from Caeasars Palace is tossed aside...not exactly tossed out, but definitely in the "I'll think about it tomorrow" file.

And that's where too many plans get stalled out.  Somewhere between dealing with the extra logistics and expense and then balancing the guilt, it sometimes seems easier to stay put on the sidelines of life.  Even when I know that Jeanne is best served when I'm leading a well-balanced life.  And this is how caregivers sometimes head down the wrong path -- one that doesn't do them much good nor does it help the person that they are caring for.  And there's no easy way to avoid this path.  It takes vigilance, deliberate intention and discipline. 

So how do you navigate your way around this trap?  How do you, as a caregiver, stay connected to your own life while you are frequently overwhelmed by the life circumstances surrounding the person you are caring for?  Click on COMMENTS below and let us know how you do it!

Comments

[Alan]

My wife leoren has ppms and we wear told about 4 years ago and it has been just a hard time for our family we have two girls 8 and 8 months. It been haerd because nothing is ever the sam seems likeevery day is different. the confusion